Journal
I promised myself that I would have a post for Thanksgiving about all the things I am grateful for.
Then I promised myself I'd have a post for Christmas. Then I promised myself I would post a Happy New Year message. And now, here we are at the end of January, lol. I guess I should learn to quit making promises! But in all that time, I've had some amazing things happening. 1) I've got a new book series that is going to be published. It is intended for middle-grade readers, but the few adults I've allowed to read it have told me they loved it too. Click over to the page "Blackjack Bikack and the Case of the Near-Sighted Nabber" for more info. 2) I have been honored to become the children's director at my church! It is an enormous responsibility, and I am so grateful to have this chance! It's something that I hardly allowed myself to hope for, but God had a plan... About two years ago, as I accompanied our kids to summer camp for the first time, I listened to the camp pastor talking about the different people in the room. Some, he said, would not darken the door of the church until camp time rolled around the next year. Some would be saved and grow up to be members of a church. And some would be called into full time ministry. I cannot describe to you the feeling I had when he talked about full time ministry. But I knew deep down in my gut that I was one of those people. God was calling me to teach children. He was calling me to full-time ministry. Immediately after realizing this, I started hearing all these issues in my mind. Things like, "Who's going to want a single woman to lead children?" "Who's going to put a woman on staff in a Southern Baptist Church?" And probably the hardest thing to hear: "Why on earth would God want you to do this? There are plenty of other people out there that are better suited for ministry." On top of all that, our church already had a children's minister. So why would I be called to fill a position that already had a leader? I couldn't see any way ahead. It seemed impossible. But I prayed, trusting God that if this was truly what He wanted, He would make the way. He made the way for Moses and the Israelites at the Red Sea. He made the way for Joshua to defeat Jericho. He made the way for David to become King over the Israelites. He made the way for Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to be saved from the fire. The God who is able to do all these amazing miracles recorded in the Bible is more than capable of making the way for me to do children's ministry. And about three years later, I stand on the other side of this mountain. And I see how God moved to make the way for me do become the children's director. Nothing I did or could have done would have worked things out like this. And I am beyond grateful that I've had the opportunity to witness His works firsthand. My new duties have kept me very busy - and I am LOVING it! I cannot wait to see how God continues to move in our church. I have no doubt that as long as we keep our hearts focused on doing His will, we will see amazing things happening in our little part of the world. It's going to be an awesome time!
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Happy Halloween, everyone! Just stopping in to share a poem I wrote for the occasion. Seeing as how it is a special blue harvest moon this year, it just seems right to finally release it for you to read.
Happy Halloween! In the hidden hollow where the fireflies dance, Owls begin to wake and the rabbits start to prance, Crickets bring the rhythm and the trees whistle the tune – It’s a great big party under the harvest moon. But on All Hallows Eve, not a sound do they make! For ghosts and ghoulies come alive, the ground begins to quake, Witches fly the starry skies, things rise from the lagoon – It’s a very spooky world under All Hallow’s harvest moon. The ghosts moan, the ghoulies groan, the witches make their brew, The banshees howl, the werewolves growl, the zombies gnaw and chew! They say it’s wise - leave out a treat, or they’ll play a trick on you - Best not to rile the monsters ‘neath All Hallow’s harvest moon. So stay inside, lock your doors, and draw your windows tight, Don’t open the curtains – unless you want a fright! Wait until the morrow, when nature sings anew, And don’t get caught outside under the spooky harvest moon. Hope you have a fun, spooky night! :) No, seriously...it's been crazy for us all! Personally, I've reached the point where I think that if I hear anything political or the words COVID 19, masks, or social distancing one more time, I will scream.
But this has also been an exciting year in my life as well. I've accepted a full-time position in children's ministry, and I've just had book 3 of my House of Vultures series accepted for publication. It will be out sometime in 2021. And I'm currently working on another middle-grade readers book that I'm hoping to send of to some publishers soon. I still do photography too...hopefully I'll get around to posting photos again too. As strange and as difficult as this year has been, I find that the best word I could use to describe it would be "gratitude." The quarantine early in the spring reminded me to appreciate what I have: my family that puts up with me despite my antics, my friends that stay connected even at a distance, good food, and a warm home. I'm thankful for my publishers, my books, my readers, and the imagination that still fills my head with stories. I'm grateful for these things and for the people in my life. And I hope that someday someone out there will think back over their life and be grateful that they've known me too. I'll be posting updates about Brood of Vipers soon, so please check back in. And thank you for stopping in, reading about my books, and taking a peek inside my thoughts here in this journal. You are appreciated! :) Every time I've had a book coming out, it fills me with excitement and hope. Hope that my readers enjoy it, hope that it succeeds, hope that I can continue to do what I love, etc. This one filled me with so much hope that expressed itself in a poetic way:
Hope is the baby wren peeking its head out of the birdhouse outside my window, spreading its ruffled feathers and jumping into the cloudless sky. Hope is the high school graduate waiting anxiously for the college letter that will determine her fate. Hope is the man on bended knee before his beloved. Hope is the young woman clutching a pregnancy test. Hope is the dog pressing his head onto his master’s knee during lunch, soulfully eyeing the bacon in his master’s dish. Hope is a chilled cat as she stalks toward the fireplace during the first winter snow. Hope is a whispered, “I love you” at the end of a beautiful evening, wrapping your arms around the one you love. Hope is the first blank page before an author’s poised pen. Hope is waking up to another sunrise, and Hope is ending the day, staring up at the glorious stars before drifting off to dream about tomorrow. It is my hope that you head over to Amazon, pre-order Pack of Wolves (be sure to read House of Vultures first...it will make so much more sense!), and leave a review after you've read it. Or share the book with your friends...anything to support my work. And thank you to all who read my books! Hi all!
I just checked my last journal entry, and I was a little shocked to see that the last post was from the end of April. Ironic that it was about time... As the months have passed by, my schedule has been extremely busy! But I am very excited to say that the second book in my House of Vultures series, Pack of Wolves has finished its first round of edits. It should be available in the next few months! But...the first chapter is available for FREE on my Pack of Wolves page - hop over there to check it out! I'm busy at work on many other projects that I hope to see published someday too. And mainly, I'm just grateful that I've had a few moments to pen this note here, just to say that I'm still alive, active, and working on my books. More to come later! :) “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” 1 Peter 3:8
Time. It’s the one thing that every teacher wishes they had more of. More time with their students, more time to teach them the skills they need to know, more time before the huge standardized test, more time to prepare their lessons, etc. With the end of the school year rapidly approaching, it just seems like the seconds fly by faster. The pile of things you have to do before the end of the year seems like it will never be completed. And it seems like it was only a few days ago that we were coming off spring break. Where did all the time go? If you’re like me, the anxiety levels are elevated right now. You’re not quite sure how you’re going to get everything accomplished before you can finally turn in your keys. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting to see that light at the end of the tunnel. But it can also feel like you’re not quite going to make it. That’s why I love this verse in 1 Peter. In context, the verse is talking about the end days (and there might be some dark humor about the end of the school year in that, but I’ll refrain from going there…). But I just love this imagery. Our Lord is so far above us, outside the binds and constraints of our measures of time. To Him, our day is like a thousand years, and a thousand of our years like a day. Remembering that – reestablishing in my mind how much greater God is compared to myself – it somehow manages to lighten the load of the daily grind. All this stuff that you and I stress over is so far under His feet, it’s hardly worth mentioning. And yet, this same God is present through it all. Our moments of major trial and crisis are just minute details, mere seconds of time when compared with God’s infinity. Yet He is willing to walk through our days with us, all because of His amazing, gracious love. PD meetings. I used to groan every time I saw them on the calendar. We’d start out with a hokey ice-breaker activity that no one but the facilitators enjoyed. Then we’d get into the heart of the professional development, and I usually spent 90% of my time thinking:
“I can’t use this in my classroom! I mean, have you seen my students? There’s no way they could do that!” “What kind of nonsense is this? There’s no way you can implement this program by yourself in a room with 20-25 at risk, low SES, discipline deprived children!” “Where on earth did they come up with this crap? Who sat down and decided that this was a good plan?” And then, inevitably I would shift to, “I wonder how much this person makes? Maybe I could take their job…” “Is the school going to pay for the supplies needed to do this ‘glorious’ activity? No? Then, I guess this was a waste of time, wasn’t it?” “I could have been in my classroom being productive, but NO! I had to be here, listening to a bunch of junk that I cannot use, just to get a piece of paper that says I’ve had professional development.” And finally: “Another certificate in my portfolio…and another wasted day of my life.” Been there? Now, let’s zoom in on some real professional development. After Moses had led the Israelites out of Egypt and gotten the 10 commandments from the Lord, he still did not feel prepared to “lead the people.” We see this in Exodus 33: 12 – 13 (NIV): “Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.” After all the wonderful things that God had done through Moses, Moses still sought “professional development” from the Lord. Because it wasn’t about how much had already accomplished – it was about the present (and future) for God’s chosen people. Moses not only wanted to see his people succeed, but he wanted to make sure that they were following God’s ways. He knew he had to spend time learning from God in order to 1) know Him and 2) find favor with Him. Those things were a priority for Moses, and he was willing to do what it took to honor God. Moses’s submissive heart in this passage resulted in an amazing gift. Let’s read the rest of the story (Exodus 14 – 18, NIV): “The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” I don’t know about you, but I desperately need the Lord’s presence to be with me every day. And I certainly need his rest! Yes, you will have to sit through professional development. You will endure tons of meetings that could have been summarized in an email. But in all of those moments, remember that 1) you are doing it for the children in your classes, and 2) the truest form of professional development is found only at the feet of our Lord. I want to end this day taking a few parts of this story and turning them into a prayer. It’s a prayer that I am praying over all who read this devotion. It is a prayer that I am praying over myself and my own family. And it is a prayer that I hope you pray over yourself, your coworkers, and your classroom as well. Heavenly Father, Thank you that we can come to you in all seasons of life, particularly when we are doubtful or struggling to understand your plans. Please teach us your ways so that we can follow you more closely. Help us to conduct ourselves in such a way that we find favor in you. Let your presence go with us into our classes, into our homes, and into every situation we face today. We ask for your divine rest: physically, emotionally, and mentally. Please, Father, show us your glory. Amen We’ve all had one. That one kid that just always has something to say. Be it an extraneous comment about every aspect of your lesson or off-the-wall questions that do not connect to anything you’ve just said; every class has one. Chances are, you’ve got a name or a face in mind as you read these lines.
And the kid in question is probably not asking questions with the intention of angering you – he or she is probably naturally curious and/or craving attention. Still, every time the kid raises his hand, you feel a sigh ripple through your chest. You ignore that raised hand until it starts waving or the kid starts saying your name. It’s like that scene in the first Shrek movie where Donkey is trying to get Shrek to take him along on his journey to find Princess Fiona. Donkey (and in this case, your chatty student) is the only one in the crowd yelling, “Ooh, ooh! Pick me!” You can see the annoyance on the animated ogre’s face. You feel it when he rolls his eyes. And I’m sure you can relate to that gut-wrenching moment when he finally picks Donkey, and immediately wishes he hadn’t. Now, I have a question for you (and it’s one that steps on my toes as much as I suspect it will step on yours): How would you feel if your Heavenly Father treated your requests like Shrek treats Donkey? Hurts doesn’t it? Nobody wants to be ignored or called upon as a last resort. We want a God that responds promptly to our cries…just like that student wants to be seen and heard by his or her teacher. Thankfully, our Lord is patient. He endures our constant prayers and requests without complaint. Lamentations 3:22 says, “The LORD’S loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.” (NASB) We do not have to fear – our Heavenly Father does not grow resentful of us when we come to Him. In fact, when we come to the Lord asking for wisdom, the Bible tells us: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5, NIV God gives generously without finding fault. He does not ignore us. He does not belittle or patronize us. And not only does He give, He gives generously. He gives wisdom to us without growing flustered or feeling interrupted. He gives loving kindnesses to us without feeling like it’s a waste of time. He gives compassion to us without growing impatient or frustrated. He listens to our inane chatter and off the wall questions. He gives to us because He is a generous, loving God. And as such, we are called to follow our Lord’s example. So, today, as you see your question-filled student, remember how much our Lord gives to us. Guard your responses to this child – make him or her feel loved. Let that student know that you value him/her through your actions. Don’t roll your eyes, try not to sigh, and listen to what that kid is saying. Be patient…because your Father in Heaven is patient and generous with you. My last year of teaching, I had one student in my class that was actively defiant. Every. Blessed. Day. Trying to get her to do anything was an uphill battle. If she wasn’t interested in it, she was going to cop an attitude with me. I think she thought that if I just sent her to the office, she’d get out of the work. Nothing I did broke through the barrier between us. Phone calls home (negative or positive) did not fix the issue. Private discussions about behavior or publicly scolding her about behavior – nope. Taking away recess or treasure box privileges didn’t do it. Rewarding her when she did something right only made her attitude worse. In fact, I never discovered what I could do to stop her defiance. No positive or negative reinforcement from me curbed her behavior. In the semester that I had her in my class, I can recall only one day that I did not have to discipline her. Seriously. Only one day. The rest of our classes were spent dealing with everything from blatant insubordination and defiance in speech and action, to doing cartwheels down the sidewalk when she was supposed to be walking to class. And the saddest part of it all was that I knew exactly why I was seeing these behaviors. Reading was extremely difficult for her. So, she used her behavior to try and control the atmosphere in my class, hoping to get out of doing the work. Yet though I knew this was the issue, she would not let me help her. No matter how hard I tried to develop a relationship with this child, nothing ever made her realize that I was on her side. She was determined to be in charge, swaying as many of my other students to her level of defiance as she could. I blamed myself for a long time. I later blamed her home situation, then the student herself. While I tried to remain objective, our constant clashes of will got the better of me. I reached the point where I’d sigh when I saw her walk into my class, knowing it was just a matter of time before the battles begun. Then – I’ll be honest – I grew to dislike her because of the disruption she always caused. Then, I grew very, very bitter. Adding more salt to the wound, I always ended up being evaluated when the student was in my room. My administrators almost always marked me down on student engagement, determining that students were “ritualistically engaged” rather than “authentically engaged” in whatever activity we were doing at the time. Seeing this mark on my evaluations always made my anger burn hotter inside me. I was doing everything I could think to do for this kid – why was I paying a small price for her issues? It took me a long, long time to realize that she was never the problem. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:7-9 (NIV) I wasn’t truly fighting with that girl in my class – I was waging a war with the devil. He was using my circumstances to goad me into bitterness and sin. I was so busy fighting with the girl – I never thought to take the fight to the spiritual realm where it belonged. I never prayed for that girl and her family. I never prayed for God’s protection under His shield of faith. I was prey for the roaring lion. Listen, those kids who come into your classroom with issues – they are not your real enemy. The enemy is going to use those kids who come from “difficult circumstances” to try and needle you. He’s hoping to distract you from his real work – to draw you in to sin. To inflame your anger, to make you impatient, and to draw you deeper into hurt feelings and frustration. He’s aiming to steal your joy, kill your passion, and destroy your faith in God along the way. Your enemy is very real – and he’s prowling through your classrooms. But our God is far greater than the schemes of the enemy. He’s given us his divine armor to combat the devil’s attempts to break us. He’s prepared us for the battle – all we have to do us obey God’s word. So how do we do that? Look at Ephesians 6: 10-18: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” My interpretation: Stand in God’s truth, be righteous according to His truth, find God’s peace, hold tight to your faith in Jesus, know that you are saved by His blood, and hold onto the word of God at all times. And pray about everything you endure. I wonder how my situation would have changed if I’d stopped to pray for that girl. I wonder how my reactions would have been different if I’d prayed for God’s protection, patience, and compassion. I wonder how my anxiety levels would have lessened if I’d asked God to help me remember that I am righteous and saved in Him and asked for His divine peace. And I wonder how many of the devil’s “flaming arrows” could have been doused, if only I’d been more faithful to my God. The battle is very real, my friends. You see it everyday in your classes. But the victory in Jesus is just as real too. And that truth is something the devil cannot take from us. Pray for your kids – especially the ones that give you trouble. Pray for yourself (and your fellow teachers,) asking God to remind us who our real enemy is and where our true source of victory can be found. Ask for peace and discernment in how to deal with those difficult situations. Ask for protection from the devil’s sneaky ways. Remember that God is in charge – He’s on His throne – and in His name, the enemy cannot destroy you. Nothing can take you out of your Heavenly Father’s hand. No matter what grade level you teach, what subject you cover, or what state/country you call home – EVERY teacher starts their first weeks of class by learning the rules.
You want your children to know exactly what is allowed and what is forbidden, what will earn rewards and what will bring punishment. Some teachers even go so far as to practice their rules and procedures, drilling their children so that the appropriate behaviors become almost instinctual. Of course, educators are often given a similar treatment. We are given rulebooks and “codes of conduct” by our administrators. We are expected to read them, sign something that says we’ve received them, and follow them to the letter. Like our students, we face rewards and punishments for our behaviors as well. Obey – we keep our jobs. Disobey – we could lose our jobs, licenses, face prosecution, etc. So why do we have so many Christians who never spend time reading and learning what the Bible has to say about our conduct? There’s a great many reasons, I think. Sometimes we feel too overwhelmed with life’s obligations. School expectations, home life, and personal relationships can all become so consuming that we simply “run out of time.” Sometimes we’re busy nursing our past hurts and sins. Sometimes we just feel too tired, choosing sleep over quiet time with God. Our enemy uses many different guises to reach the same end result. A believer that does not know the Bible’s expectations is doomed to live a faithless, empty life. Because if you don’t know the rules, you can’t play the game. You won’t be used in the heavenly battle that is being waged in our hearts, minds, and in your classrooms. You’re left to sit on the sidelines, a silent spectator in the daily war. You will warm the bench while other Christians - those who put God first in their hearts - take your place in the fight. I don’t know about you, but I hate the idea of being left out of anything…especially the good works that God has planned for us to do. And I suspect that I am not the only one who feels this way. So, what are the most important “rules” that God has given us? I think the answer is found in Mark 12:30-31 (NIV): “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Ironically (or maybe “divinely” is the more appropriate word,) in this story Jesus is talking to a bunch of teachers. I cannot help but wonder if maybe that was intentional. Teachers are some of the busiest people you will ever meet. We have lessons to plan, papers to grade, professional development to attend, meetings to endure, parents to call, children to watch over, endless amounts of documentation, and the list of expectations grows every single day. Maybe that’s why we need to hear that first command: Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, soul, mind, and strength. This verse can be simplified in a much easier to understand way: LOVE GOD FIRST. Over everything else you have to do, over all the work that is piling up on your desk. And yes, love Him even more than you love your kids in your classes. Make God your number one priority, every single day. There’s no room in this verse for anyone else to hold the first priority in our lives. God expects to reign as the #1 focus of your heart, mind, soul, and strength. It’s not like that is a new rule in the Bible either. It’s such an important expectation that Jesus’s words here are a quote from Deuteronomy 6:5. The second command: love your neighbors as you love yourself. Students, spouses, your own families and friends – they all come second when compared to God. But then you are called to serve them, to love them, to cherish them, and to help them just as much as you would serve, love, cherish, and help yourself. I don’t know about you, but these commands are difficult. I struggle with making sure that I keep God as the first priority in my life. Though I try hard, I am like the author of the old hymn “Come Thou Fount,” and I am “prone to wander.” Then, I have great difficulty loving others as much as I love myself. Oh, some people are easy – my family, my closest friends, the kids that come in to my class that are agreeable and friendly. It’s easy to love and serve them. But what about the hard cases, the disobedient students, the ones that have an attitude problem, and the parents that just don’t understand how their “little angels” are in trouble. Those people are much harder for me to love as fully as I should. They try my patience. They test my temper. And they frustrate me to no end… So why are these commands so important? Because, I believe, that if you have put God first, He will give you a greater love, compassion, and open heart for those around you. The second command will be markedly easier to follow as long as God is your first love. Yes, those hard cases will still be present – but God will show you how to be love them in spite of their behaviors. It may not always be easy, but it will be possible. Further down in this passage of scripture, one of the teachers speaks to Jesus, confirming His words to be truth. And there is beautiful treasure found in their interaction that I don’t want you to miss. Let’s read it first in Mark 12:32-34 (NIV): “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” Following these two commands is more important than all of the offerings and sacrifices. Once the man said these words, Jesus confirms that this teacher is close to understanding the true message of the Gospel. This teacher is on the brink of making God a priority in his life. Hear me - all those things that “get in the way” of your time with God are just like the burnt offerings and sacrifices here. In the eyes of eternity, those meetings and expectations (while they must be done) are all going to pass away. The amount of time you’ve spent grading papers will be worthless when you are in heaven. But the relationships that you have built by loving God and loving others – those will last forever. Don’t let yourself get so bogged down in your daily trials that you miss out on the most important commands. Love God first, then share that love with those around you. |